I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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