Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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