I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
