My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
