She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
