When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
