Define "chronic" masturbator.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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