Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
