bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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