....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
