you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
