The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize