We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
