my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
