just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
