Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
