This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
