areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
