Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
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I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
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Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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