Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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