I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
