i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My penis needs a shock collar
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Randomize
