Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
