Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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