no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I understand Curling. That high.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
