I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I still have a little drunk in my system
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
