I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
