He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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