i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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