Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
