i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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