I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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