I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
