I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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