I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
