woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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