New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
