It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
