stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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