I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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