I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
