So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
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