if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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