Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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