I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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