And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
