There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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