My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
