he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
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I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
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Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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