Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
