Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
