That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
