i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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