at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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