Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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