yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
