Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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