she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
