fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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