it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
