I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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