Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
