y did u give ur computer a hand job?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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