I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
